I’m done here

Posted in Uncategorized on April 28, 2008 by nectarine

I went to the fem 08 conference and it clarified a few things for me.

Things have changed for me, I’m thinking differently and I’m being more honest, I’m listening more to people who aren’t me. I’m interested in getting my fingers dirty, in doing more practical offline activism.

I hate the thought of being referred to as a “radfem” because I think by and large the internet “radfem” community is becoming increasingly poisonous and paranoid, and increasingly single issue. While obviously I think the issues of porn, prostitution and rape are really important they are not the only thing that feminism needs to engage with and actually they are not something I wish to talk about all the time because actually I find them retraumatizing, I have wounds that are not going to heal if I keep uncovering them in settings that are not conducive to healing.

I also don’t want to be associated with any of the hypocritical narrow minded savagery that is clearly a complete failure to dismantle or even critique patriarchal attitudes.

I have seen the internet “radfem” community completely welcome people, make them feel, safe, suported, listened to and the when those people step out of line I have seen those people chewed up and spat out, ostracised and ignored, and I can see it happening again. Right now there are two bloggers who I am pretty sure this is going to happen to and I don’t want to be around when it happens.

recently I got called a a pro-porn, pro-bdsm, pro-trans, troll. (its the second to last comment) because I had the audacity to disagree and try to discuss things with certain “radfems”

I recently got kicked of a google group to organise a feminist gathering because one person didn’t like my comments on somebody else’s blog, that had nothing at all to do with them even though the blog from th egroup claims that There is no hierarchy within the group.

I’m really uncomfortable with the idea that all radical feminists are supposed to believe the same thing and if they don’t they get excluded, there was no discussion of my politics before I was kicked of the list and I wasn’t even informed that it had happened.

then when I expressed a wish to still go to the meeting but that it would need to be wheelchair accessible i was informed that the venues was already booked and it wasn’t known if it was wheelchair accessible. If we are trying to undo opressions and be as acsesable as posible shouldnt we make sure that somewhere is acseable before we choose it?

I’m also really uncomfortable that there are other women who would really like to go to the gathering but who know they wouldnt be welcome because they too are seen as the wrong sort of feminst.

And it seems some of those purer than thou radfems want to drag up some age old vindictive vile shit that they knew deeply hurt people who were part of that comunity

I dont think its up to any of us to police who and who isnt “feminist enough” so I want no part of this,

I’m going to stop blogging as nectarine, I am elswhere on the internet, if you want to know where send me an email on nectarine99@googlemail.com and I’ll send you the link

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rad fem sisters

Posted in Uncategorized on April 16, 2008 by nectarine

can someone tell me why I’m banned from the radfem sisters google group? I sent debs an email about it but got no answer, maybe you didn’t get it?

Ableism in action

Posted in disability on April 6, 2008 by nectarine

1) I had to buy some new clothes for my partners cousins civil partnership ceremony, I qued up to use the fitting rooms, My partner was standing right next to me holding the pile of clothes as I couldn’t hold them and use my crutches, my partner is obviously male so it was clear he wasn’t waiting to use the woman’s fitting rooms. but the woman organising the fitting rooms spent ages faffing around putting clothes away before she got to me, then as she handed me one of those cards with the number of items on it she said “oh I didn’t realise you were waiting, I was going to ask you to move”

What? why would I have been in the que if I didn’t want to use the fitting rooms, why would my partner be standing beside me with a pile of clothes?

Do disabled women not go shopping? not buy new clothes?

2)After the civil partnership ceremony drinks were served, all the other adults were handed alcoholic drinks, i was handed lemon aid because clearly disabled women cant hold their alcohol

3) My partners sister wanted to take a picture of my partner and myself and told me to move my crutches out the way so they wouldn’t be in the picture, although this seems quite minor this is probably the instance that upset/disturbed me the most. If I’m using my crutches on any given day its because I either have a lot of pain or because walking without them is hard/impossible. Having them out of arms length makes me feel incredibly vulnerable and helpless.

Also being asked to hide them seems to be giving me a signal that i should be ashamed of them and ashamed of my disability

This is where I came in: Remembering Myself

Posted in Uncategorized on March 16, 2008 by nectarine

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This is where I came in and other transgressions.

Posted in Uncategorized on March 15, 2008 by nectarine

I recently had a very drunken, rambling but for me very profound conversation about, transgender, gender diversity, queer, non heterosexuality and alliances and i feel in a way it bought me back to myself, gave me a space to reremember my history, to pay homage to who and what made me partly who I am.

Radical feminism is important to me and has been very healing for me and given me a strong place to stand, but before that there was something else. There was another community of people both in literature and physicaly that I belonged to, that belonged to me, before I found radical feminism, when I was dealing with my non heterosexuality I read everything I could find, to help me feel less abnormal. The first book I ever read that talked about not being straight was okay was Becoming a Man and it was so powerful, so profound, it doesn’t matter to me that it was written by a man, it felt like i was coming up for air. And I read everything I could find about being non heterosexual,

And I read, Pat(rik) Califia, Del(la) grace volcano, Kate Bornstien, Joan Nestle, Camile Paglia and many people who I cant remember the names of but who made it okay to be me, made it okay to be queer

It was then i met one of the people I have been most attracted to in my whole life, a preoperative transman, we absolutely zinged, there was an incredible chemistry between us

and I played femme, real high lesbian femme, because it made me feel beautiful, because I liked the sort of women it attracted, i went out with a woman for two and a half years who was so butch she got called sir, who was way more masculine than my current partner who is male

And when i wasn’t playing femme i was doing soft butch baby dyke, the uniform then was Khakis and strappy tops

I have always been Kiki who I am being and how i am dressing depends on how I am feeling, where I feel I am on the gender and sexuality spectrum at that point.

I lived in a big shared house that was always full of people that didn’t live there and almost all of us were some form of queer: bi, gay, lesbian, trans, undecided, unlabeled, We were young desperate, vulnerable, many of us parentless or faced the possibility of becoming parent less if our parents found out who we were, and many of us were crazy because the pressure of living in a homophobic heterosexist society wore us out, wore us down, there was a place to sleep if parental prejudice created homelessness, we fed each other when we were poor, we mopped up the blood weather it was self inflicted or weather it was a homophobic attack. we visited each other when we ended up in the psychiatric hospital, we went clubbing every weekend to celebrate being us, to celebrate our love for us, to celebrate survival

I have never felt so much that people I loved had my back as I did then, and we didn’t care, it didn’t matter who was fucking who, or how, or what shape their genitals were, or weather they were buying into gender roles.

And I think this, the need for purity is often what stagnates movements because people make alliances with people for reasons other than gender and people make alliances with other people who are similarly oppressed even if that crosses gender lines and people are messy and beautiful and we find our joy and our freedom in unexpected people and situations.

I have always lived on edges and boundaries and I think edges and boundaries are where the truths are, shoring up the boundaries to hard doesn’t create safety, it creates a trap.

for most of my life I have been very fractured and I have only recently, like in the last year been able to start weaving myself back together. Its time to start weaving the queer part of myself together with the radical feminist part of myself, so none of me, none of who I honestly am, gets left behind

Mental health blog up and running!

Posted in Activism on March 10, 2008 by nectarine

We only have two posts so far and posting may be somewhat eratic but

Here it is!

This is what I came here for

Posted in Uncategorized on March 9, 2008 by nectarine

This spring from the heart of the mountain runs cool and clear, runs with the knowledge of womens pain, poverty and fear, but also the sound of our laughter and fingerlinked power, quenching the thirst. Fullfilling the need for each others voices, histories, eyes, Saturating us with the knowledge that this stream will wear away the rock and become a river, a torrent to change the shape of the landscape with.

(IWD left me buzzing with joy!)